The New Minister
The new minister stood at the church door greeting the members as they left the Sunday morning service. Most of the people were very generous telling the new minister how much they liked his message, except for one man who said, "The message was a very dull and boring sermon, pastor." A few minutes later, the same man again appeared in line and said, "I don't think you did much preparation for your message." Once again, the man appeared, this time muttering, "You really blew it. You didn't have a thing to say, pastor." Finally, the minister could stand it no longer. He went to one of the deacons and inquired about the man. "Oh, don't let that guy bother you," said the deacon. "He's a little slow. All he does is go around repeating whatever he hears other people saying." *********
Teacher's Test
A teacher was testing the children in her Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. She asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" "NO!" the children answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO!" Now she was smiling. Hey, they're getting it, she thought! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" she asked. Again, they all answered, "NO!" She was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."